MS-01: Draft the NRCC’s Press Release

I’d like you to imagine, for a moment, that you are the NRCC’s junior press secretary. You’ve just been tasked with the impossible: Spin tonight’s disastrous election loss in the deep red, R+10 first congressional district in Mississippi. Well, it would be impossible for normal people, but we’re talking about Republicans. No spin is too absurd! Anything will do! Those saps in the “emm-ess-emm” will dutifully transcribe whatever you write, anyhow. (Remember how they bought your line about how LA-06 was a bad portent for… Democrats? Delicious!) The key thing is, whatever explanation you decide on, it absolutely, positively, cannot be the fault of any Republican anywhere.

With that in mind, start writing!

UPDATE: The verdict is in: Tom Cole should have hired all the commenters on this thread! His staff has clearly forgotten how to write a Republican press release.

38 thoughts on “MS-01: Draft the NRCC’s Press Release”

  2. Although the Cook Political Report puts this district as R+10, the Democrats should’ve won this seat by 20 points. Naturally this means that the Democrats should watch out, as many of our districts have even MORE Republicans. Naturally the Democrats should just give up now, since they couldn’t beat our candidate by 20 points or better in a R+10 seat.

    We fully expect that the DCCC will concede defeat in a few days.

  3. “Republicans everywhere rejoice at this great opportunity for November.  This increases our opportunity to feebly attempt to pick up another seat in our quest to limit our losses this November to 20 or less.” Rep. Cole

  4. bad for the Democrats as a party. We purposefully drafted two of the worst candidates possible, rigged the polls so the worst of the worst would win, then had him run a bad campaign, just to see how well the Democrats would win after all of that. They drafted a good candidate, a conservative Democrat who does not stand with the dirty, liberal policies of national Democrats, with whom he will soon find himself at odds. In fact we really brainwashed him to run, and secretly supported him. You see our goal was to make the DCCC spend money, they spent 800,000 more than us, helping narrow the Coh between us. Once we flip the SWITCH, Childers will switch parties, making all of their efforts meaningless. And they say Republicans aren’t smart. Our evil plan has worked, hail Chairman Cole.

    🙂

    Note, none of this is an attack on Childers who is a great Democrat. What I’m surprised it that Childers did much better in a more Republican county than Cazayoux, and Cazayoux was a stronger candidate running against a more terrible Republican candidate, I guess the rural nature of the district. GOP turnout was huge in several suburban parishes and Jenkins pulled out incredible numbers there, it really was the best possible result they could have gotten, as far as turnout, well, better would have been black voters in East Baton Rouge Parish not coming out and winning, but EBR came out huge for Cazayoux. Oh well, I digress. Hope Kleed wins it big and gets the mo.

  6. Which is true on some level but considering his economic populism and views on Iraq that dog won’t hunt.  

  8. After failing to win this seat outright in the first election, the DCCC and Nancy Pelosi were forced to spend $2 million this time around to steal this seat.  Because of our strong ground operation we only needed to put up a portion of that to keep this race close.  We will be back in November but the DCCC, Hillary Clinton, MoveOn and the _____ (insert ethnic or religious group here) will not be able to spend another $2 million protecting this seat.  We hope Rep. Childers doesn’t start measuring for his curtains because he won’t be around long enough to enjoy your tax payer funded drapes.

  10. This seat has only elected a single Republican member of Congress.  And our candidate was terrible.  Awful.  He wanted a statue of Nathaniel Bedford Forrest, for gawd’s sake.  Stupid NRSC for poaching our guy; don’t give them any money.  We knew that we were going to lose, so instead of spending money on GOTV or advertising or anything “useful” like that, we went for polling.  And our internal polling reveals that linking the Democrat candidate with B. Hussein Obama is deadly.  But only in circumstances where we can won.  So please give us money.  We’ve been fantastic stewards of it, and we were able to psyche the DCCC into spending more than we did, again, in a district that we were never supposed with a pathetic candidate.

  11. Chris Van Hollen is sitting back at DCCC HQ resting his balls in a bowl of Tom Cole’s chilled tears.

    In all seriousness, Musgrove has to be looking stronger against Wicker as a result of this. I see another bunch of retirements on the horizon.

  12. Here goes..

    Obviously, this race was shaped due to late dirty tricks from Democrats. The Democrats insisted on doing such low tactics as answering claims made about them and negatively attacking our candidate.

    The Democrats used subliminal racism by spreading the claim that Memphis was taking over the seat, fooling voters into thinking that African-Americans were backing Davis. This led to a large number of white voters backing Childers due to their subconscious-led racism.

    Despite the fact that the Democrats spent millions, they were only able to win by 4 points. This output shows that they will not be capable of maintaining their house majority in November.

    The Democrat Party will be doomed to a firey fate due to the candidacy of Barack Obama. Democrats only won this time because they fooled white voters into thinking that Obama backed Greg Davis.

  14. An 8-point Democratic victory means nothing. Republicans have gained much more from this contest because we have invaluable internal polling that shows what voters really are interested in for the fall campaign. Democrats failed to poll this race, so they have learned nothing.

  15. Childers won by a 53.6-46.4% margin.  That’s an amazing 7 point win.  And that 1 district left to count is in Prentiss, so the margin will end up bigger.

  16. The NRCC congratulates Greg Davis on his convincing victory over Nancy Pelosi-Democrat Travis Childers.  Our overwhelming lead in fundraising, limited number of retiring incumbents and historically strong candidate recruitment makes re-taking the House this November a foregone conclusion.  We’re particularly excited about the surprising amount of earned media even our lower-profile members like Vito Fossella have been generating recently.

    ###

  17. For the McCain coattails to kick in. The GOP base has been wounded by a divisive primary season and is still coming back together. By November, it’ll be back and stronger than ever.

  19. ruse of the NRCC.  By allowing Democrats to win 3 special elections in a row it gives them a false sense of security.  Not only will Republicans win back these seats during the real elections in November but Republicans will be able to win back control of the House because of the element of surprise.  In fact, the NRCC has gone as far as telling Republican voters that if they are polled they should say they are voting for the Democratic candidate and that they think the country is on the wrong track in order to further the erroneous idea that Democrats are going to have a great year.  Heck, even Karl Rove leaving was a ruse and he is really ensconced in the basement of the White House surrounded by a bank of monitors and flickering florescent lights calculating The Math necessary to win.

  20. Their press release actually bears some relation to reality.  I always enjoy the ones that appear to come from an alternate universe.  

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